Knock Knock Who’s there? Water. Water who? Water you doing? Just open the door!
8 Planets, 1 Universe, 7.135 billion people, and i end up with you.
I just want to tell you that you’re really beautiful [pause] but I’m gay.
Damn Girl, you’re cute, let me get your email address.
You’re so fucking sexy! You look just like my mom.
Can I punch you in the face.. [pause] ..with my lips?
You remind me of my dead ex-girlfriend.
What color is your shit?
The most common pickup line used in a gay bar: May I push in your stool?
The things I would do if I got a few roofies in you.
The fact that I’m missing my teeth just means that there’s more room for your tongue.
One of the things on my list is a umm….weird chick. And if I don’t get one soon, they won’t let me pledge…
My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.
I’ve been slightly depressed ever since my vasectomy
I’m not trying to impress you or anything, but… I’m Batman!
Inheriting 10 million dollars doesn’t mean much when you have a weak heart
I’m bigger and better than the Titantic – only 200 women went down on that vessel!
If I jumped on your back, would you beat me off? ♡
If I can’t buy you a drink, at least let me fix your laptop.
I want you to have my children (pause) GREAT! They are in the car outside
I would absolutely love to swap bodily fluids with you.
I’d drag my balls through a mile of broken glass, followed by a mile of hot coals, just to chase a laundry truck that MIGHT have your dirty underwear on
I’d rip out both my eyes just so you have more holes to screw me in
I wanna floss with your pubic hair.
I wanna live in your socks so I can be with you every step of the way.
Hi, do you speak English? (yes.) Oh, me too.
Hi, I have big feet.
Hi, I’m a necrophiliac, how good are you at playing dead?
Hey baby, as long as I have a face, you’ll have a place to sit. ♡
Hey baby… you got any diseases? Want some? ♡
Find a girl at the bar, walk over to her, and say “you put the ‘hot ass’ in my shot glass.
Can I walk through your bushes and climb your mountains?
Hey I’m looking for treasure, Can I look around your chest?
Are you a virgin? [No] Prove it!
I’m a writer, you’re a writer, how about we get naked together and put some poetry in motion?
Do you sleep on your stomach? [No] Can I?
Do you believe guys think with their dick? (Yeah.) Well, in that case, will you blow my mind?
Could you do me a favor? Could you get on your knees and smile like a donut?
Do you believe in free love? [No] Then how much do you cost?
Is it that cold out or are you just smuggling tic-tac’s in your bra?
You have a beautiful voice. I bet it would sound even better muffled by my penis.
You know, if I were you, I’d have sex with me.
Sit on my face and let me get to ‘Nose’ you better
Sit on my lap and we’ll get things straight between us.
Life is short. Let’s f**k and see if there is anything after that. Let me eat you for an hour. If you don’t want to have sex after that, we won’t.
I’m trying to determine after years of therapy and lots of testing, whether or not I’m allergic to sex.
Want to spend the night at my house tonight? The couch may not pull out, but I do.
Will you be my girlfrien? I left out the ‘d’ cause you’ll get that later!
Your parents must be retarded, because you sure are special!
Are those pants on sale? Cause they’re 100{8f9fb8014be5dad348a4ec3f137916f9471688c8dac04483a8605215a0e34d92} off at my place!